Thursday, July 4, 2013

027 : Life is...

A friend of mine wrote a post recently about how life can suck because sometimes it's just a shit storm. But it all passes, and she recognizes this. Partially in a display of blogging solidarity, I figured I'd write a similar post.

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Unlike my friend, I'm not really an optimist. Life has been wearing on me lately. It's all job related, and I know it'll resolve itself, but in the meantime, it's just frustrating.

1. I have a part-time gig that was cancelled for two weeks unexpectedly, and without resolution to when it will be on again...and I don't know if it'll be inconsistent in the future, but I feel obligated to maintain my availability.

2. Because of that part-time gig, I haven't been hired for some jobs with conflicting availability. It's a rough place to be, feeling obligated to one job that isn't happening and not being able to accept other jobs. I don't have any resolution for this, and just feel in general, very torn.

3. So I just never have money and don't actually want to do anything at all other than sit around my house and avoid life. Everything feels like a chore. It's hard to stay motivated.

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It's really hard to write about this, because there is so much cultural pressure and judgment around jobs. It's embarrassing to be unemployed and I feel ashamed that I'm trying to change the direction in my life. I know I'm making the right choices for my life, but it's not easy to be jobless and hopeless...meh.

But yes, it'll change and end up resolved. Obviously, I have to believe that...but I do think it's true. So in the meantime, life is just difficult.

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