Saturday, October 5, 2013

117 : Adventures in Polyamory : Part 3

Wherein, I tell you how others feel about all this bullshit

1. I maintain that my relationships are my business. I've done a lot of reading around the internets and the poly community seems pretty obsessed with communication. There are some sites that would think my desire not to know her was because I wanted to deny her existence and engage in a faux poly relationship. This is not the case. I simply believe my business is my business and his business is his. (I think a lot of this stems from how I am neither competitive nor jealous.)

2. I'm finding it hard not to engage in name-calling in my head. This is, of course, unproductive. But I wonder if it's totally natural?

3. I feel like some sort of veto thing happened here, and I fell victim to it...which is bullshit. I probably won't ever know as I have no intention of bringing up this subject. It's really up to them to sort out for future relationships and up to me to move on.

4. As I've retold the story to my girl friends, there seems to be a general consensus that she is a jealous, manipulative, person who wasn't really interested in letting him go. I'm not really going to argue that point since I know only what is in my head, but I bring this up because it's an interesting paradigm in our culture. Women are often pitted against each other in our culture, as if we're competitors. It's odd to me that the assumption is to place blame on her and leave him fairly blameless, or to feel apologetic, like she is controlling him. I want to know why this is. Is it because we feel the need to create a villain to make us feel batter about the obstacles in our lives? Is it part of the patriarchy?

5. I feel like this is NOT how polyamory works. I feel like I was punished for being monogamous. In the end, I was the one who was expendable. This is not really great example of polyamory, and certainly many of my friends have no better understanding of such lifestyle choices, which is unfortunate.

6. But I think that I'm going to take a break and then attempt to restart with friendship. If I decide this is it, he's a jerk, whatever, then I think I'm doing myself a disservice. I'm frustrated and feel the need to write this all out, because I don't want to stop having him in my life. Also, I feel like it would be pretty immature to act like I could engage in a polyamorous relationship but could not forgive and move on. So, I'm taking a few weeks off to get over all the feelings I have, to have a little self-control, and then I think I will engage in a friendship, albeit it a cautious one.

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