Sunday, August 17, 2014

52 Weeks of Paleo : Week 8

I wanted to spend some time talking about bare minimum. Basically, that's what I've been doing with paleo. Since I don't really give a shit about losing weight and since my health is pretty awesome, I haven't been dedicated to committing to paleo. So I can tell you about the eight weeks I've been doing paleo and how I've only been doing the bare minimum. I eat ice cream. I eat tortilla chips. I eat sandwiches with bread. I drink milkshakes and sweet coffee drinks. I don't really question any sauces that are on anything I eat. But I do consider what groceries I'm buying and sometimes, I choose better options when I'm at work (which is festivals, my office is fairs and carnivals). So, I tell myself I'm doing something, but I'm not. And that's how I'm feeling about life and friendships lately.

I've been cancelled on a bunch lately. I've had texts not returned. I've had vague plans made that never came to fruition. I've received blanket invites to events from people who haven't confirmed my new phone number yet. I've gone through a troubling time and heard cries of, "Good riddance," instead of, "I'm sorry this hurts."

And I'm fucking tired of it.

I am so ready to go on a massive delete spree. If I still had a Facebook page, I'd start unfriending. But I don't and so I'm faced with troubling decisions. Is it time to delete phone numbers and e-mail addresses? Time to stop reaching out, stop offering, and instead to withdraw? I hate feeling this way. And the thing is, it's avoidable. It's just not that hard to reply to a text and to keep plans.

And maybe that's my answer. If it's easy to be friends, but instead it's difficult...so maybe it is time to let go. But thinking that hurts. I just can't decide if it hurts more than being someone's bare minimum.

6 comments:

  1. This is why I love your writing -- you can start with one topic and segue into another and it just makes sense and relates somehow.

    I know it sounds cliche, but my motto over the past few years has been "quality over quantity" and that goes for everything, especially the people in my life. My support system has become smaller and smaller, but I'd rather have a few wonderful friends and family members around than a lot of shitty ones. I used to waste a lot of time settling -- in my friendships, relationships, career life and everything else -- but I realized that I'd rather get rid of those so-so things and instead strive to find stuff that made my heart dance and sing. (I talk about this a lot in my book, btw.) Yes, these sacrifices came with loneliness and sadness but it was all worth it in the end and though I continue to face challenges I become happier and more satisfied each year.

    I'm trying this new thing lately where I'm trying not to keep score in my friendships and I'm trying to give without expecting anything in return, but it's hard. It's hard because I don't think that I should have to stay in a friendship that isn't affecting my life in a positive way. What's the point in staying friends with someone who isn't treating me the way I want/need/deserve to be treated, especially if we've discussed it and nothing's changed? It's difficult to find a balance between having grace and forgiveness, and not getting taken advantage of.

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    1. WORD!

      If I've discussed it and nothing changes, then peace out.

      I have a hard time navigating friendships that don't have a lot of time. Friends who are constantly so busy that we never see each other, and I just wonder why there isn't room for me in their lives.

      But I am really enjoying quality over quantity, for sure!

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  2. I agree, but I say don't withdraw. Just focus on the friends who respond & keep up. Let the non-responders, cancellers, vaguies fall off your cliff. Instead keep up with those who are steady & reliable.

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    1. What about the ones who are there but only rarely, because schedules?

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  3. I feel you. I've had the same problem, the same inclination to cut people off (or at least to act as flippantly about our relationship as they do, effectively ending our friendship, as I'm the only one keeping it going). It's sad to think about a dwindling support system. It's sad to think of cutting people out of your life who you care about, but who don't seem to care about you as much as you do them. I still have no idea what to do about it.

    I'm trying to do what Steph does and not expect anything in return, but that's nearly impossible in relationships of any kind. You expect to be treated as least somewhat similarly to how you treat them. I really think people are becoming more self-involved, and it's kind of a bummer.

    Especially as INFJs, we expect a higher level of intimacy from our friendships and relationships, and also stress about it more if it's not where we want it. I'm trying to calm down and just let it be. I have a couple very close people who I can count on for anything and completely be myself around, and I have others who I'm still close with, but maybe not at such a high level, even though I'd like it to get to that level. It's hard to let relationships be what they are. Sometimes it does make sense to cut and run, but I have a hard time letting go. I'm just going to let these friendships run their course, especially if I've talked to them about it but nothing has changed. People operate differently. These people probably do care deep down, but they're terrible at showing it with their words or actions (like making time for you).

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    1. Also, I think this can create an imbalance in other interpersonal relationships. Like, someone isn't there for me, so I expect someone else to be MORE there for me.

      Ugh.

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