Monday, October 6, 2014

Fuck that job

UGH! This is a really hard topic for me to talk about, and since I'm currently exceptionally stressed out about the topic, I don't want to talk about it. (Yep, I prefer to shut down when stressed.) But I NEED to talk about it, because it's step one in getting to other things that have happened and I like being chronological. And also because if I don't talk about it now, I won't talk about it. This blog is as much about me working through my own stuff as it is about anything else. So here goes:

I was working in event marketing since February. I mean, what had happened was I was working in retail for an absolutely psychotic and shitty boss. I couldn't take the stress anymore and told everyone to fuck off and walked away from my fabulous, minimum wage job. I tried a telemarketing company, which was a massive fail, and then I found event marketing. I was working for a bathroom renovation company, but the management changed and the new manager was a douche who didn't support me at all, told me the appointments I set made no sales, wrote me up when I did nothing wrong, and just was a slimy bastard. I left that job and was immediately hired by a gutter protection company with a female boss who said she liked my feisty attitude and thought I'd go really far with the company. After a month or so, I started to experience corporate bullshit like constantly being told I could "be better" if I only participated in weekly conference calls but was never told that I was doing a good job or even a passable job (or the actual great job I was doing). As the county fair season approached and I was working 60-80 hours a week with no support and constant badgering, I became fed up. I told my manager to start respecting me and she told me to start acting like an adult so I told her to fuck off (not with those words) and walked away in the middle of a week that would yield a $1000 paycheck. I had already lined up another job with a different event marketing company. I went to training, was told that I needed to get with my department manager for further training, he told me they weren't hiring, and the guy who gave me the job wouldn't return my calls about getting paid for the training I had done. So I went to the mall and was hired for a retail position by a former manager who left the awful management team from the first job I quit this year. If you're counting, that's six official jobs (not to mention all my side gigs) and nine different managers over the course of the year.

I'm a little stressed about money right now, because my new job doesn't start for a couple of weeks and it won't be the same amount of money I was making in event marketing. I'm seriously considering selling my car to cover some expenses I have and give me padding to make it for a few months while I find another part-time job.

In case you were wondering : I recognize my own fault in these situations. If I want to beat myself up about it, then I can say that I'm hot headed and I tell people off and walk away when I should stick around somewhere for the money. But if I'm honest with myself about my personality and how I think the world should be, then I know I'm NEVER going to put up for being treated with the casual disrespect I find in so many work places. I believe my performance (which is always stellar) is worth respect from my bosses. I believe the 110% I put into every job warrants support and training in order to continually improve at my job. And I believe I deserve to be acknowledged for the good job I do.

Truthfully, money means so little to me. I just don't care. I would make nothing if I could. But I was in a position I thought would last and I was unable to see it eroding from me...I was also straight up lied to by one company. So I made some decisions based on my own temper and self-righteousness as well as landed in a pile of bad luck.

I could go on, and I have gone on to my friends and family, about shitty managers and why I'm worthy of respect and the good job I do and why do people suck. I've gone over and over and over in my head every decision I could've made differently and how I could've compromised my own beliefs. But I've got to stop beating myself up about this. I need to let go of the shitiness and make sure I've learned a few lessons and move on.

In the time between one event marketing job and another and applying for the retail job, I've done a LOT of thinking. I don't really have a personality that is suitable for public consumption. I have this bad habit of thinking I'm equal to my managers and not deferring to them in every way. I am NOT subservient and never will be. BUT THESE ARE NOT BAD QUALITIES. Sure, a manager can boss me around about policy and schedules and performing tasks for which I have not yet been trained, but that doesn't make my manager better than me as a human being. We are equals. I won't behave differently. (Even when I'm being called an "alpha male" like it's a bad thing, because I'm a woman. Yeah.) But also, event marketing was just a job for me, that paid a LOT. And I gave all that money away (more on that in my next post). But what I really, really, really want to do is become a manager of a retail store. (Among all the other things I'd rather do, which are millions.) And now I have a job with a manager who knows me, who has followed me on this year and listened to all the shit that has happened with all of my different jobs, and she understands that I have an amazing work ethic and a hard core personality that comes with conviction of character. I'm hoping that her faith in me and her understanding of me will help her guide me into a management position.

And I am really going to have to work on fighting my battles and letting things go. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to learn how to handle bullshit a little better than I do now. Ugh.

Ok, that's the story. NO pictures, just words. I needed to get it out!

2 comments:

  1. It sounds like you value time over money. Not at all a bad quality. Like you, I have left jobs that were perfectly stable and lucrative but just not worth my time because of the working conditions and/or environment. I doubt either of us are ever going to say, boy, I wish I was back at that one job where I was micromanaged and unappreciated all the time though, so keep that chin up! Retail is just incredibly hit or miss, in my experience, but the good places are out there.

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    1. Word, girl, word. So much. This comment is awesome and just what I needed!

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