Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Let me tell you about this guy...

It has been a rocky year, so far...or counting back a full year. Last year at this time, I was working for Old Navy, thinking I'd be working into management at some point, and I had just started dating someone that seemed promising. And then, everything kind of went to shit. I've already told you about my job struggles and ending a bad relationship, but I wanted to talk a bit about something really good that happened this year. Because, y'all, I have happiness in my life despite all the stresses!

H'okay so, the moment I knew things were ending with Scott, I had a little moment. We had this conversation where he told me that not only did he not see a future for himself, but he also saw absolutely nothing in his future for us...never wanted anything with me, etc. That night, I went on OKCupid and I checked out my highest matches and I sent out four messages. I was feeling really angry that I had wasted time on someone who clearly didn't want anything to do with me, and while a tiny part of me held out some hope for Scott, I just had to get out there and see if anyone was interested in me. I had spent so many nights crying and he had just confirmed everything, so I sent out messages almost as an act of rebellion, and I set up first dates for the following week.

Two guys replied and two dates were set...except for the one that fell through. So, the next week, I went on a first date. I went on this date basically to boost myself up. Was it a rebound thing? Oh absolutely. I needed to see if there was anything for me in the world. I needed to feel like Scott wasn't the be all, end all of my romantic life. So, I went on a date with the guy pictured above. And let me tell you, it was awesome. He was smart and interesting and friendly. He let me plan the date, so we explored a little neighborhood of Cleveland and did some geocaching. We talked a lot. I learned a lot about him. We wandered around, finding a couple of geocaches. We had yummy food. Everything was good, and so we planned a second date.


The first paragraph of his profile

I think we had about a week between our first and second dates, which gave me a lot of time to think. Scott and I officially broke up. There were a lot of tears involved. I thought about was I maybe crazy for going out with this new guy? Like, was I rebounding it and just trying something in order to be somewhere else? But I really felt a connection and I really liked this new guy...so me and my broken heart went on a second date.

That's kind of how it was for the first month-ish. There would be several days between each date. Each date that was more and more fun. On each date, I felt I learned more about him and felt more connected to him. And between each date, I really considered what was happening. I had lots of conversations about this new guy. I talked about whether or not I should fully disclose the situation between me and Scott. I was still supporting Scott and I still had occasional contact with Scott, so I wondered if I needed to really tell everything to the new guy. But I didn't want to bring such heartache into such a new and wonderful thing. Everything was feeling really good, so I wanted to keep it that way. I talked a lot about rebounding...I was accused of using him as a rebound from Scott. But it didn't feel like that was what I was doing. I felt like Scott was on his way to the back of my mind, our chapter was ending, our book would soon be closed and probably tossed on a fire.

I spent some time in the beginning, comparing the two. Being with this new person who treated me so well and clearly wanted me, whose interests matched my own, and from whom I was constantly learning...it was so clear to me just how wrong everything always was with Scott. I tried not to compare the two, but it was actually really helpful in my letting go of Scott. Scott was such a clear loser in comparison and I could see how much I had compromised so much of myself and how much we didn't compliment each other. I knew the comparisons would fade anyway. I knew there would come a time when I didn't have to justify my every thought and every feeling because I knew I was on a path to something real and serious, something that I really wanted.

After about a month, we had our first overnight. It was nice to have so much time with each other. We had dinner, watched some movies, spent the night together, had breakfast the next morning...and everything just felt so good. I was super excited as the night came closer to happening and I was not disappointed. Everything went so well...every moment felt so special. The more time we spent together, the less contact I had with Scott. I was actively ignoring him, pushing all those toxins out of my life, making room for something new and wonderful.

After about two months, two big things happened. Scott officially left my life. He left in a fiery ball of anger and lies and awfulness, and I was so glad to see him go. Scott's departure was such a relief, a weight removed from my shoulders. In this time, I had mentioned Scott a few times, but always said I didn't want to talk about it...that I would fully disclose at some point (and I have). Around the same time, I really, really felt like I was falling in love and I wanted to express that. To my surprise and delight, my love was returned...immediately. This was something I had never experienced before. I've said "I love you" three times in my life to romantic partners and never once has it been said back to me until now. Hearing it as awesome, but feeling it was even more amazing.

That's the difference between Scott...between any relationship I've had before and this one...feeling it. I know now what it feels like to be in a reciprocal relationship. My friend, Steph, has said of her relationship, how easy it is. I agree with that assessment. Things are easy in this relationship. Everything is easy and wonderful and it all feels so good. A bad day becomes a better day after chatting with him. We both enjoy doing the same things with our time and so I'm out with someone I love, doing something I love, and it feels so great.

So here we are, at three months, a young couple in love...sparkly eyes, lots of things to talk about, inside jokes, general happiness. Scott is gone and nobody misses him at all. We're at the phase of meetings : meeting the parents, meeting the friends. Everyone loves him and can see just how happy I am and how great he is in my life. Things are good, and I am so hopeful. I think about our future and I know he is there with me, every step of the way. He makes me so happy. Even bad days turn around when I talk to him. I learn so much from him. He loves me for me...all my wild and crazy ideas; my free spirit. He has so much to offer to me and we compliment each other so well. I'm just really, really happy and blessed to have this wonderful man in my life.

Oh, and his name is Adam. Get used to seeing him on this blog, because I have a whole host of posts banked, full of all the things we've done. Expect to hear a lot, because I love talking about him. I think you'll come to like him as much as I do!

6 comments:

  1. ::squee:: I am so happy for you. He seems like a great match

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    1. Thanks girl! He really is a great match. I've told him, and I believe it, he's very perfect for me. "Perfect". But he just seems to fit me so well, and that is a very rare thing for me!

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  2. Woah blogger just ate my comment, now I know what people are talking about...anyway, was saying I'm happy and he's clearly awesome: intelligent, unmaterialistic, sweet. Great match :D

    I have a folder set aside for a silly post on my POF/okay cupid adventures. Our stories are similar, I joined after breaking up with Matt. I needed a distraction because it was so hard to just not take him back, he was a bad person, but you just get used to someone being around 2 years into a relationship. I eventually met AJ through it and opposites (athlete vs. artist) attracted like crazy, it's "Easy" and natural and we're very happy. :D Glad you met someone equally awesome.

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    1. You should definitely write about your experiences! And yes, being with someone in an easy and natural relationship is so great. I'm glad you're experiencing a great relationship too!

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  3. That's so awesome, good for you! Especially after reading about how things went with Scott, I'm glad you've found someone who appreciates and reciprocates. That is SO important. I know what you guys mean about easy. Though a lot of circumstances have made my relationship really difficult, the loving each other and getting along has always been natural and easy, from day one.

    Also, geocaching is AWESOME.

    Christen
    http://christenlouise.webex.com

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    1. YES! Like, LIFE is hard, but LOVE shouldn't be. I think it's easy to confuse the two!

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