Thursday, November 27, 2014

Gearing up for the New Year

New Year's is the only holiday that has really ever meant anything to me. It's been more than a decade since I stopped celebrating holidays, because there are so many reasons why holidays don't make any sense. But for me New Year's has always held importance...it's pretty fucking trite, but true that the New Year is a time of reflection and renewal and I've always taken that to heart.

This year, my friend, Steph is cooking up something big for her blog and asked for guest posts with a motivational theme. But I gotta tell you, it's been hard for me to come up with something motivational. As I started to think about what I'd write in order to inspire other women to pursue their dreams and follow their hearts, to live loudly, all I could think about is how much of a failure I've felt this year. I had a failed relationship with an emotionally abusive asshole and I felt like I should've seen right through it. I've gone through several jobs, each one felt like it was going to be something better but each one ended the same as usual; my decision to get out of a bad situation. All this time, I've had my own photography business on the back burner, trying to recover from an awful experience, and always thinking about how I'm going to revive that business.

Steph and I talk a lot about blogging and about chasing our dreams. She has made some bold decisions, by leaving her job and focusing on her blog and creating her own mommy blog. I always have her back, trying to support her, showing her great blog posts about being an entrepreneur and going on despite "failures". Meanwhile, I'm not sure I'm really following through on the advice I give her.

Last week, I was surfing through all the wedding blogs. I've been keeping bookmarks of different web designs, thinking about the site I need to create for my own business. I was going to start researching advertising, start submitting weddings again. But then I realized, I don't want to. The reality is, I fucking hate weddings. I think of them as a stupid waste of time and money. Everyone does the same thing over and over...at least in the wedding blog lands. Even the wedding blogs that are supposed to advertise doing things different, the same crap shows up again and again. Women asking for advice with just the dumbest questions. As I keep thinking about how I'll find the brides I want...the brides who aren't wearing a white dress, the brides marrying another bride, the grooms marrying another groom, couples who don't waste a bunch of money on an overpriced dress and venue and food that doesn't even taste food, couples who are not taking out loans to cover a party that is supposed to be about so many things but ends up being about stupid favors and traditions that no one even understands.

So, in preparation for the post I have to write for Steph and thinking about my future, my art, my business, and the jobs I've been working, I've decided I need to let it all go. I'm not going to pursue wedding photography. I'll continue photographing my friend's weddings, and if other weddings come my way, then I might do them, but I'm not advertising for them anymore. I don't care what the revenue is, weddings don't inspire me. Senior portraits and family shoots are so much more fun and fulfilling. I'm letting go this past year of the million jobs and not worrying about it anymore. I can't change what happened and I can't spend all my time worrying about what other people think of me. Onward and upward, right? I can't very well climb a mountain while looking over my shoulder or carrying all that baggage of times past.

So I guess this is the first step in gearing up for a promising New Year, letting go of everything that was.

2 comments:

  1. Yay for you! I think I often did the thing where I liked it because I thought I was supposed to. I did that a lot, and only in the past few years have been totally honest with myself.

    That said, I'm getting married next weekend and have no one to do photos...I wish you were closer, cause it's definitely not traditional!

    Christen
    http://christenlouise.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girl, why didn't we know this sooner so I could photograph your wedding!?!?! That would be so fun!!!!

      Delete