Wednesday, December 3, 2014

My best friend died last night.

One of my best friends of my entire life, my soulmate, died last night. He was young, like me, 36 and had AIDS. He had been living with the disease and managing it for a long time. He died of a heart attack. It turns out, heart attacks are more common in young men living with AIDS. I found out via a Facebook message from an old friend who tracked me down. He found me through my photography business because I don't use Facebook. I guess, thank heavens that I have a photography page. I suppose this might prompt me to make my Facebook public again, if only so people can search for me and find me if necessary to contact me. (I've been looking for two other friends and they aren't on Facebook either.)


I had texted him today, actually. It's been about two months since we last talked. He was supposed to come to Cleveland for a doctor's appointment and pick me up on the way. But the doctor's office had a small fire that morning and the electricity was out. (Such a pathetic excuse for canceling!) I had hoped to see him at the New Year or sometime soon. I had so much to tell him about all the things happening in my life and I wanted his advice too. But instead, I received a message and a phone number and called a friend and found out everything.


Truthfully, this probably won't affect me as much as other deaths might. I don't see him every day or talk to him every day or interact with him on social media. He lives two hours away and I don't go down to Columbus all that often. He was sometimes hard to reach, and I might have to text and call him A LOT and become super frustrated before we'd finally get in touch and then everything would be great. We had a few years of not speaking because I have a temper and I am quick to cut people out of my life and because I don't always agree with the things he does within our friendship.


But right now, I'm sad. And I'm nervous because I have to go to a funeral and see a fuckton of people who won't even know I changed my name. And I'm annoyed that I'm getting in touch with old friends, to talk about the news, and they all act like they miss me so much when they never kept in touch with me. Death shouldn't be what brings us together.


Louann, I miss you. Now I'm the only Louann left and no one else, except maybe Dauber, will remember the joke or call me that name ever again. (OK, maybe Shelly will.) Michael Weber, you were a force of love in the world and I'm sorry that you contracted a disease that took you away too soon. I thought you would live forever. I feel a little more alone now. No one else will ever understand me or know me the way you did. You were one of the people who made this world livable and I'm so sorry that we'll never get to catch up on all the things happening with me. I know you'd be so happy for me, oh and you would absolutely be in love with Adam. You will be missed.