Sunday, January 11, 2015

I really miss you.

Dear Louann,

This weekend has been hard...well, since last Wednesday. There are all sorts of things coming together and my birthday is soon and I just want to see you. But until you man up and haunt me, I'm never gonna be able to see you. (Also, coming to me in dreams is LAME. I want full-on, I see you and talk to you and everyone thinks I'm insane, kind of haunting.)

I start college tomorrow and I have a lot of doubts and fears that I want to tell you that I can't really tell anyone else yet. You and I have been here before. Remember? I can even remember visiting you at your dorm in Michigan! Also, there are other things. Things about which I'm going to be vague because this is a private letter on a public blog. But things that I wasn't able to tell you about and things that you would be so proud of me for and thoughts about my future that you would totally get in a second.

I have other peeps with whom I can share. I do. And I share with them. Little by little, I think they will start to fill up the space you left behind. But I'm not ready for that yet. Right now, I just want to miss you and wallow a little bit in your absence and the trouble with trying to get from other people what I got from you. Because it's hard and I miss you so much. I wish I had called you two days earlier. Why didn't I just text you the previous weekend? I would've been able to tell you all the things. I'm kicking myself a little bit for allowing the time between our talks go just a bit longer. But you know, that's how we were. I just thought we'd have more time.

I miss you. I can't really say that enough.


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