Friday, January 16, 2015

This should be my Sunday post.

In my mind, where everything is neatly placed in those tiny drawers of a library card catalogue or those little cubbies of an old school hotel desk, my blog has a regular Sunday series of my goals. Saturday is for geocaching, something I'd do regularly. Monday-Friday have three-five posts about everything else I'm doing. Everything happens within a week of real life. Everyone loves it and we have intelligent conversations with respect and no fear of disagreeing. But that is in my mind and reality is this:

Reality is stopping for a geocache during my 365 Days of Geocaching, opening my door, only to find it won't shut. I mean, I could physically push it to where it meets the car but then the door latch was about a foot above the car latch. Reality is driving down I77S from Richfield to Copley at 40MPH with my heat on high, my window down, and my door tied shut with the drawstring from my rain suit pants I keep in my car. (You never know when you'll need a full rain suit.) Reality is thinking that all my money would be gone but then having the good fortune of a $98 car repair followed immediately by learning that my license is, indeed, suspended for six months. (Y'all, it's been a rough year and my driving record shows that the best.) Reality is having toe issues and needing new running shoes that I can't afford in time to run the mileage I need to run a marathon in May and changing that registration to a half marathon. Reality is life changing the minute after I make plans. Reality is this post on a Friday instead of a Sunday and feeling like compromising what I want to write on my blog with what I need to write for my piece of mind is the biggest hardship of them all.

But what are you gonna do?

So, that's where I am right now. A fixed car for cheaper than I thought but just enough to prohibit me from buying bed sheets this paycheck. A suspended license for the next six months that will make college and work a little more difficult and 365 days of geocaching impossible. Sore toes that need new shoes that I can't afford in time to run the race I wanted.

It's times like these that I question everything. I question God (or whomever). I question my friendships. I question the meaning of life. (Which I know is 42, but it just doesn't feel like it's anything right now.) I question my own sanity because this last year as been nothing but down after down after down and just when I thought I was in a position to make plans, life decides it needs to be more difficult.

But what am I to do? Nothing. There is nothing to be done. There is just life and it goes on. At the end of the day, it always goes on. (For me.) And so I do what I foot in front of the other, dodge that pot hole, jump over that puddle, and keep moving.