Friday, July 24, 2015

How to write an AMAZING blog...

This post could otherwise be titled, "How to write AMAZING content..." Have you see those lists? The ones that tell you how to go out and write that blog? They're "helpful", right? I mean, you just googled that shit, followed the directions, and now you have 20,000 unique page views every month, are totally fulfilled, have a million blogger friends, have a hundred thousand Twitter followers, and your life is the MOST AWESOME, right?

Or maybe what really happened is you started to feel like you weren't doing it right. I mean, you THOUGHT you were doing the things they said to write great content and organically grow your audience but somehow you were just left unfulfilled, feeling insecure, and wondering if blogging is for you?

If this sounds familiar, let me tell you something about myself : I never felt that way, ever. If I ever felt like a shouldn't have posted something, it's because I wrote a massive rant about my roommate, naming names, and bringing in her family, when I knew everyone in college read my blog. Shit like that doesn't feel good. HOWEVER, when I wrote an informative post about why you shouldn't wear high heels to swing dance, bucking the current trend in thinking in the scene, and I garnered a FUCKTON of haters, I felt awesome. When I write about my vacations, my goals, the little shit in my life that makes me happy, or post only images of my cat...I NEVER FEEL BADLY. I don't feel insecure or guilty or like I'm doing it wrong. Because I'm not. I've recently doubled my readership too, and I would be doing affiliate ad, monetizing crap, if I wanted to. I don't want to. I don't care about numbers and readers. That's not why I write. But you can care about those things and follow this awesome list I'm about to smack down on you, and you can monetize your blog and everything.

(All that shit is really about social media engagement anyway and has absolutely nothing to do with your content. Don't tell anyone I told you that, because they'll be mad when you stop paying for their fucking workshops.)

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Anyway, here is the Definitive List on How to Write an Amazing Blog. A List so Good, You will Never Need Another List, EVER!

1. Sign up for a blog.
--->You can PAY for your blog, but why would you? There is no need to pay for your blog and don't let anyone tell you a self-hosted blog is more professional. It's not. A custom domain is professional and a free blogging service, maybe even one like Diaryland that has absolutely full customization options, is all you need. Don't pay for your fucking blog.

2. Write some shit. Whatever the hell you want. Focus on what makes you happy or what you wish you could find on the internet.

2a. If you write about what makes you happy, about your life and your loves and your friends and your dogs and your travels and whatever the hell you might be cooking tonight...then you will probably enjoy writing, because your life is super interesting and that meal you just cooked tastes amazing. Can I have the recipe? Will you please tell me how you grew those tomatoes? I NEED to know your fave dog-friendly spots, because I wanna take my dog there. Oh, you had a bad day and needed to write it out to feel better? ME TOO! I have emotions. I wanna know what you did to feel better, because I'm human too.
--->Do you see how that works? You are totally fucking interesting and I want to read about your life, and so do 20,000 other people. In fact, if only 1% of EVERYONE ever wanted to read about your life, that would be SIXTY MILLION PEOPLE! Did you know that? Yeah, that's a big fucking number. There are definitely at least 60 million people interested in your life.

2b. If you write about what you wish you could find on the internet, I guarantee you at least one google search per day will bring people to you because they wanted to read about it because they couldn't find it online either! So you're really into finding dead animals and cleaning their bones and making jewelry? SO IS SOMEONE ELSE! So you really wanted to learn how to make high heels that were actually comfortable and also made from recycled materials? SO DOES SOMEONE ELSE! So you were wondering if it's possible to DIY a trampoline? OTHER PEOPLE DO TOO! I'm not trying to say your thoughts aren't original, because I believe you are a unique and special snowflake (just like everyone else). What I'm saying is YOU ARE NOT ALONE. At least 1% of EVERYONE shares the same interests as you and has asked the same questions as you and if you write that down, then SIXTY MILLION PEOPLE can read your blog and connect with you.

2c. No one cares how much you update as much as yourself. Update when you want to. Don't force yourself to do anything on a schedule that is not one that suits you, ok?

3. I don't know, maybe have a pretty design and some pictures. Whatever. There are some really shitty looking blogs out there that I've read. There are some people out there who THINK they take great photos, but they don't. I see all their exposure flaws, and I don't tell them because it doesn't matter. And honestly, every blogger besides myself seems to think that staring into a bright white screen and reading tiny black letter is good design. It's not, but what can I do? I wrote about it and someone told me I had a shitty design and didn't know anything. Whatever.

Have a blog with words and someone will want to read it. Have a blog with pictures and someone will want to look at them. Don't stress dude, it's not that important.

So that's it. Make a blog, write shit, have a design of some sort. DONE! Most amazing blog ever. Now will you please leave you link in my comments? I really wanna get over there and start reading about you!

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