Thursday, September 3, 2015

Stop Hating Yourself : Fewer Rules; Ban the New Standard!

This is part of an ongoing series about banishing self-hate. You can read all my posts on how to stop hating yourself here!

Something I've noticed in the same communities that are promoting self-love, are new rules. It makes me sad, because I see people and groups gaining popularity for bossing you around. I see a lot of calls for "unplugging", doing less social media, and even a recent call for things to do instead of binge watching Netflix.

Umm...but what if I WANT to binge watch Neflix?

For that matter, what if I LOVE being plugged in?


Let me tell you how it goes in my house. I wake up, roll over, and check my social media. I read my Twitter from the last place I was to the top. I read every tweet in my stream, every day. I do the same with my Instagram. I'm more committed to my Instagram than my Twitter, and I don't miss a day of going through my stream. (Except when I have to because I'm out of service.) When I come home at night, I sit on my couch, and I go through my social media. Adam knows I do this. Mom knows I do this. EVERYONE knows that this is how I decompress. Because I LIKE it. My decompression time is as important as anyone else's and this is how I do it.

Look, if you need to unplug sometimes for whatever reason, do it. That's fine, but stop telling me I should do it with your tweets about being more intentional about putting the phone down or whatever.


Of course, it's more than just social media, unplugging, and Netflix. There is this bizarre new trend where the same people who should be supporting each other are also creating new rules for each other. There are new words; wantpreneur, passive income, solopreneur, fauxpreneur, niche, brand...all laced with judgment. Blog posts telling you how to blog. Tweets about how to tweet. Tons of articles about what to post to social media and when and how. All the crap about your fucking brand!

But what about you as a person?

There shouldn't be a new standard. There shouldn't be new rules. There shouldn't be "helpful" posts about how to do whatever and none of those fake inspirational tweets about how to use your time better. There should be only one rule, "Do what you want, when you want."

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Run your blog how YOU WANT. Be on social media when YOU WANT.

All of these new rules are laced with judgment. They are saying, in a subtle way, "Be the same as us. Do what we do. Want the things we want." But you shouldn't feel that. You shouldn't be shamed because you want to watch an entire season of your favorite show in one sitting. Stay in and do it! You shouldn't be made fun of because you take pictures of your food before you eat it. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty because you like to put in an hour at a time on Twitter. Be who you want, how you want, and tell everyone to fuck off.

The problem is, the judgment and the shame are so subtle, it doesn't even feel like you're being judged. Until you're sitting there, in tears, wanting to destroy your blog and your social media because none of it is as good as everyone else.

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It's time we cut the bullshit. Stop following those people who are all "self-love" in one breath and "be this" in another. You don't need that kind of judgment in your life. It's insidious. It's bullshit.

You're good enough, just the way you are, doing whatever the fuck you want!

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