Friday, October 16, 2015

Decisions and other wedding crap

I'm feeling real fucking ranty right now, so I'm just gonna go with it and rant.

It was said to me the other day, "Let him make some decisions!" The "he" in question is Adam and the decisions were about our wedding. This is the kind of bullshit talk women have to hear.

So let me make it clear. I think weddings are a waste of time and money and I would rather elope. Adam is traditional and has a decent sized family and the motherfucker ENJOYS going to weddings (something I really hate). He wanted a wedding. Where is the compromise when one person doesn't give a shit about weddings and one person does? The compromise is to have a wedding. A simple, no frills wedding, but a wedding.

Adam has three very close friends or relatives that he wants to stand up with him for his wedding. I don't give a shit about witnesses. I'd be happy to sign the legal documents and move on. But, in an effort not to look like a total fucking weirdo, I've asked three of my friends to stand up with me to balance out the situation.

Adam has a love for the "Book of Common Prayer," and its wedding ceremony. I just don't. I don't even know what I would say if I had to create a ceremony from scratch. I might go back to my Lutheran roots, or not. I might just be like, "Can't we say I love you and be done with it?" Because I believe that my vows are private and meant for Adam and myself and no one else. But since Adam loves this ceremony, I've decided to work with a friend and go ahead and use it...while changing some of the more offensive (to both of us) language.

There is some fucked up cultural bullshit surrounding weddings and the idea that the groom doesn't care and the bride, who has been dreaming about this since she could think, is going to be a fucking monster and make ridiculous demands and force everyone to bow to her whims. This cultural bullshit is SUPER FUCKED UP, especially when semi-rational people engage in the cultural talk to super rational people...or to people like myself who buck every fucking convention ever. It is not for outsiders to assume that the wedding we're having was totally all my decision just because I relayed the information about the wedding. I mean, it's like they don't even hear when I say, "We're doing this..."

Adam and I make the wedding decisions together...even down to the clothing we're going to wear. If I want something, I tell him, and we agree about it. Do you know why? Because we are fucking adults who are creating a life together and this fucking party is playing an important role in the life we're building, so we should decide on that shit together.

At the end of the day, you should do what you want with your wedding. Make the decisions all one-sided or don't. But it would be real fucking nice if EVERYONE could stop assuming that they know anything about a couple's personal decisions and maybe just be fucking respectful when talking about someone's wedding...especially when talking to that person. Honestly, have some fucking manners people.

(As I said, Adam and I make our decisions together. That includes my publishing this blog post. Out of respect for him, I asked if any part of this post would offend or embarrass him. I don't feel the need for him to approve of my every move, but I do understand when something I write might affect someone close to me.)


  1. We didn't buck all the conventions but some. We had a small wedding with close family and friends. I really liked having witnesses. We signed the legal documents as part of our ceremony and legal documents do need to also be signed by witnesses so our closest friends and my sister were those witnesses. The document signing photos are some of my favorite wedding photos.

  2. Ah yes... Weddings. I never wanted to get married, just because it seemed like a lot of fuss and money to please other people. In the end, I did get married because my husband is from the USA and I'm from Australia, so it makes life easier when we travel and move to other countries. We opted for a very tiny wedding in a Buddhist temple in Kyoto - neither of us really cared about the details, we just wanted it to be 'nice' and as private as possible - i.e. no extended family who we don't get along with watching us declare our love! It went really well and we had a memorable day. But more than a few people had an opinion on our wedding and what it should be like. You clearly don't need any advice on the matter, but continue not to give a fuck about what other people think, assume or want for your marriage and you guys'll be just fine. I hope you enjoy your wedding, in the way that you want to!

  3. I wasn't going to comment on your post in DCW this week as I'm trying to pick someone new to read etc... but other than the Wardrobe Capsule one. You were the other 'Purple Cow' (ref: Seth Godin) in the bunch, your title caught my attention.
    I think you, like most of us have our own opinions on Marriage, the ceremony etc...I think the institution of marriage is the same across the board: "Two people chose each other to have a relationship with each other that they don't have with anyone else." but the way we go about expressing it is the unique part. I hope that you and Adam have a wonderful marriage and that it be an expression of love. Cheers to both of you.
    Kellie from Princess and the Yard Ape.