Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Fired.

It's so weird, because right after I was fired from my most recent job, all I could do was compose my blog post. Then, as today dawned and I knew I was actually going to write it, I didn't want to. I don't know if it's because I already told a bunch of my friends or if it's because admitting I was fired on my blog (where I know some assholes who gossip about me...as well as THE WHOLE WORLD...can read it) is somehow embarrassing. But fuck it, this is not some glamorous, half life where my bed is magically made in every photo though it's never made in real life. No. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Life sometimes sucks. I'm gonna write about it.

Last Thursday, I was fired.

I've never been fired from a job.

The reason I was fired is because I said something stupid to my boss.

So we were in a design meeting, talking about the t-shirt designs for the upcoming holiday season and I misunderstood something one of the owners said and got so excited that I blurted out, "I think your designs make it seem like you're not connected to Akron." (I worked for a t-shirt shop that made Akron t-shirt designs...city pride and all that.) His response was along the lines of, "Really? Huh."

I was immediately mortified and my face probably turned the same shade of something really hot pink.

But I MEANT it. I had THOUGHT it for a while now. I CONSTANTLY had to employ my little-used filter so as not to say it out loud. And for that, I'm not sorry. It was something I felt for a while, and I'm never sad when I express honesty.

Saying it in front of him and the entire crew and the other owner, well, that was definitely inappropriate...though not a fireable offense.

What followed was some shady corporate bullshit that makes me not in the least bit sorry that I put my foot in my mouth in front of everyone.

The other owner took the manager out to lunch and sent her back to fire me, which I knew he would do the moment he took her out to lunch. (I'm a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them.) As she started her "talk" with me, I said, "Am I fired, Ang?" She almost started to cry, poor girl. Then she recited to me a litany of reasons that can really only be described as lies.

She said that the owner said that the shirts I made for stock were totally unsellable, that all of the social media I was doing was unnecessary, that any off site events I attended or created were useless, that my photography was unusable, and that all of the lack of teamwork issues started when I did and were therefore, my fault.

None of those things is true, and if the owners had any idea how to actually run our t-shirt shop, they would know that. It's funny too, because they own a marketing and advertising firm...whose social media game is so lame as to be laughable...so you'd think they would understand some of it. But the comment about my photography made me realize they were just trying to hurt my feelings in some way...or they were totally delusional in thinking they needed to create reasons for firing me instead of just fucking saying, "You insulted the owner, so you're fire."

And I DID insult the owner. I did. I said what I was thinking when I shouldn't have. But having an opinion should not be a fireable offense. I mean, I guess those pansies were just really super sensitive and I crushed their little egos.

Whatever. It was all cowardice. Taking someone out to lunch to give them a bunch of false reasons to go back and fire someone instead of just saying it. I was ready, the moment I said it, to be fired. I thought it was gonna happen immediately.

That presence of mind is the second reason I can't even be mad about it for one second...because I felt how much I didn't belong on a regular basis.

It's sad to because of how much I did belong. I have bought t-shirts there since the business was run by the high school students who created it. I had several shirts pass on to friends because they loved them so much. The community, with whom I was engaging to create great social media content, totally fucking embraced me. I finally had the opportunity to meet some really cool people.

But look, of all the things I am that are wonderful, one thing that is true is I am nearly incapable of fitting in. I am not good at being anything less than myself. There is a hard limit to how long I can fake it. I just can't be bothered with social conventions and societal taboos. I don't want to be either.

I have other shit going on, and I'll get over this. I'm sad about losing the next 6 weeks of hours and money. I'm sad about not being a social media manager anymore. (Something I was super good at.) But I'm not sad at leaving a place where I regularly thought I didn't really fit and leaving people who would fire me for just saying something stupid. Who wants to be part of that? Not me.

Whatever. Life goes on, as it always does.

2 comments:

  1. Wow. I can't believe you were fired for that.

    So maybe I don't know enough about the compan or situations, but if that has been said to me, from an Akron native (right?), I would want to know your thoughts and what made you feel that way. Cause if one person is thinking that, chances are someone else is too. And maybe it was wrong the place, time, or crowd to bring it up, but in that case maybe it should have prompted a meeting to discuss these thoughts, and perhaps a reprimand for not bringing it up privately.

    Just for the record, I liked all the photos and social media stuff you did. I saw a lot of interaction, and that's what social media is about.

    Hopefully you'll just find something better that fits you more!

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    1. Yeah. They wanted to be the bosses without any input from anyone, honestly. They were ALL ego, thinking they knew EVERYTHING...despite having no retail experience. They didn't want to utilize the resources available to them...not even bother to get to know us.

      My social media presence was AMAZING! I'm so proud of what I did. It was so great. But oh well!!

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