Monday, November 23, 2015

Tasks for the time being

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Ugh. Do you ever just have THINGS to do and absolutely NO GUMPTION? That is me, right now. The main reason is because I'm waiting. I'm waiting to hear about some things that will affect my life in a major way, and until I know what those things are, I just want to lie in stasis...maybe with some Krispy Kreme donuts. I want to do nothing but lie in bed and have Netflix marathons. I'm not doing that, but I am close. I hope I find out about some of the major things this week, because this waiting is so difficult. I know that lying in bed, doing nothing, is the total opposite of productive, so I give myself one task a day and I try to complete it. Sometimes, that task is a small part of a larger task. I'm basically the most unproductive right now. I don't like it, but I just have to get through it. I can't really force myself to have gumption. I can only give myself some compassion and understanding and work on things at a snail's pace until I reach the end of the waiting.

In the meantime, I'm doing a LOT of thinking. It's partially the time of year and partially due to recent events, but I just have a lot of thoughts to think. I'm also having conversations, which fall annoyingly short of resolution and sometimes give me more thoughts to think. I have to hold my tongue and not lash out at those who think they are being helpful, because it is not their fault that they are saying things that just don't line up with the thoughts I'm thinking. But one conversation did lead to something good, useful, and interesting.

If there is one thing in life that I hate more than Christmas and stupid Facebook status updates about Syrian refugees, it's motherfucking TED Talks. TED Talks are the bane of my existence. I think I am the only person who sees through them as the marketing scheme they are and the faux solutions. I don't think they are incubators of innovative thought and instead I think they are more like a bunch of privileged people talking about problems that don't affect them and solutions that won't work because they aren't actually going to roll up their sleeves and do the work to affect real change. I hate TED Talks just a bit more than I hate graduation speeches. Graduation speeches are the TED Talks of the past; celebrities and other famous speakers, often not even graduates themselves who pontificate on their own experience as if it could possibly pertain to the hundreds or thousands of people they're addressing. Nevertheles, TED Talks and graduation speeches continue and people reference them as some sort of glorious thing that they are not.

However, when someone suggest that I listen to a TED Talk, I usually go ahead and do it. My hatred of TED Talks doesn't prevent me from trusting in the advice of close friends. When someone tells me to listen to a graduation speech on TED's website, then I'm absolutely the most annoyed, but I still follow the link. As it turns out, this link is relevant to what I'm thinking now and to that for which I await a resolution, so I'm going to share it here.

Following the graduation speech is my to do list for the time being. I won't pretend it's for the week, because it isn't. I might hope to finish one item off the list this week. Although, I do hope that next week brings a new plan after the much anticipated resolution for which I'm waiting, and with the new plan, a new list that pertains to the week at hand...and maybe some excitement to finish it. Maybe. We'll see, I guess.


Clean out Adam's closet
Go through Murphy books
Begin organizing under stairs and storage room
Buy one anti-tracking set up for cat room
FINISH ALL messenger bags
Photograph stuffed animals
Create hedgehog and stegokitty
Finish both commissions
Edit all photo shoots
Address all packages
Trim lawn
Soak deer head
Clean up studio
Deep clean bathrooms
Deep clean bedroom
Clean Jen's house
Create web copy and solidify web design
Organize external hard drive