Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Word gets around...

Many moons ago, Adam shared this very blog on his Facebook, because I wrote about his proposal. I cautioned him that was a bad idea. I write everything in this blog, EVERYTHING. I write every dramatic situation that happens, and that's not always a good thing. Some of my friends can read this blog and be fine with it...especially the friends who aren't assholes and don't cause drama that I want to write about. But as it turns out, this blog is causing waves with Adam's family.

I received today a change in RSVP from Adam's aunt and uncle. This is to add to the family drama involving his other aunt (of the Christmas drama) and his aunt and cousin (of the RSVP drama). The list continues to grow of the people I piss off. And I do mean, I, not in any way Adam.

So as this blog continues to make the rounds and remains public and I continue to write about my experiences and people continue to read it, this blog stirs up shit. Of course, by this blog, I mean I stir up shit. The shit is not stirred by Adam. That man would keep his mouth shut and let so much bullshit from the world just roll off his back. That man would not even be bothered by things that bother me. And most importantly, that man would absolutely never do anything with any intention of hurting someone else or pissing someone off. It would appear that his own family can't afford him the same courtesy.

So, I received an anonymous comment today, "If I were a family member of Adams after writing them off here I would be questioning if my attendance was necessary, in fact I would be asking Adam if he should be going through with this at all."

And then, suddenly, his aunt and uncle and their vegetable tray, were not going to be attending our wedding.

So before I continue, because the anonymous comment was on this post, where I said I was done with Adam's family, let me be very clear that I am currently addressing five family members, and you know who you are. My main beef is the fact that you fuckers cannot figure out how to dial Adam's number and have conversations with him.

Do I give a shit that you are not coming to my wedding? FUCK NO! I could not care less. Meeting you was a requirement of marrying Adam, but it was not something that I was ever welcoming. And I don't know if you just had some magical family connection or forget when you were first meeting the families of the persons you were going to marry or make babies with, but that shit is stressful and not always welcome! I mean, come on, I cannot be the only person in the history of this Earth who was not so excited about meeting the family of their beloved. Fuck, I was even nervous to meet his dad...although, that man was fabulous from day one. I got no complaints there.

My family is not the greatest family ever. Oh man, there has been drama...and alcoholism and physical abuse and emotional abuse and a million different personalities. But I can guarantee you that the remaining family members have never made Adam feel unwelcome. Of course, to be fair, it's far easier to welcome Adam than me, am I right? Don't you remember when we met at the Christmas party the year before last and I told you how much I love to hate on people? It's all coming true now, isn't it. You laughed so hard at it then.

The thing of it is, I am marrying Adam, not you. I fell in love with Adam, not you. I am going to build a future with Adam, not you.

I think the idea of you all is a nice idea, in theory. Certainly when you invited us to that picnic in the park last year, I desperately wanted to have a good time. I was so excited because his aunt is such a warm and welcoming person. It turned out I was having an awful day and lost my temper and had to go have a really good, long cry by myself. That sucked. Otherwise, that very day...with Adam's aunt and uncle, cousins, brother, and father...so very nice. Such a great, nice event. I believe I would've had a good time, if circumstances would've been different.

And I think the idea of that day is so nice. Just like the idea of having you all at this wedding we are hosting to celebrate our love with his friends and my friends and his family and my family and food and dancing and music...that all seems like such a nice idea. In theory. Family is such a great theory.

But I know from personal experience just how awful family can be in practice. And when I had to escape parts of my own family to literally save myself, it set a precedent for who I would be in the future. Who I am is a girl that refuses to accept any bullshit. I will not allow people in my life who do not enhance it. I have no problem kicking people out of my life, whether they are friends or relatives. Adam is in my life because of choice. Adam remains in my life because we have built a relationship on mutual respect and open communication where we are always honest with each other. Adam knows my boundaries and he accepts me for who I am.

When I first came over to your house for the holidays, I asked Adam if I should tone it down. He assured me it was an adult event and I would be fine. (Though he later gave me a heads up when we were going to Kelley's and going to be around kids, that I should tone down my language, which I did.) It came as somewhat of a shock that, a year later, and without even calling Adam, you kicked me out of the major Christmas even for the Murphy family. I mean, it came as a shock that you couldn't be bothered to pick up a phone and fucking call Adam to let him know how offensive I am...it wasn't really shocking at all that someone was offended by me.

This is what I was telling Adam earlier, as he was reeling from yet another betrayal by his so-called family... I was telling him that I don't blame you guys. I mean, come on. I'm a loudmouthed bitch who isn't afraid to say what is on her mind. I'm not really surprised that y'all have found fault with me and something to dislike about me. I'm not even surprised that y'all are so immature and disrespectful that you don't know how to pick up a phone and call someone to talk about your problems. I have been this way for a long time and this is often how the world reacts to me.

But I'm not sad that you're not in my life. Why would I be? Look at what you've given me. You've given me disrespect, immaturity, betrayal, exclusion. You've treated me like an outcast. Which is far less than what you've done to Adam. How dare you have the audacity to question his decision to marry me when you haven't even taken time out to get to know me on any real level? You think a couple of holidays and reading this blog are sufficient enough to determine who I am and whether or not Adam should marry me? WOW.

It's some bullshit, y'all.

But look, as I've stated in this post, and for clarification, this is directed at the family members who have created animosity because of an inability to pick up the phone and call Adam directly to voice their misgivings. Yes, I did write that I was not interested in Adam's extended family, and yes, that is still largely true. It's because I'm still getting to know y'all, if I've even met you. It's because you are strangers who I have to meet in these strange increments in group situations where I constantly worry about exactly how to act. It's because y'all have never even met my family and you don't even know me. It's because y'all haven't even tried to get to know me. Not one of you has initiated meaningful, personal contact with me or with Adam and I together. I understand this is mostly the way it's done. Families see each other at holidays and celebrations. But honestly, if that's the only interaction you're going to have with us and with me, are you really telling me you couldn't keep all your rudeness to yourself and fake it for a couple of hours? 'Cause I sure as shit have done that for you.

Thanks but no thanks. If this is what y'all deem is appropriate behavior; phone calls to third parties, RSVPs instead of personal calls, anonymous comments on this blog, then you are welcome to fuck right off. Feel free to celebrate May 14th on your own time. I don't need any of it...and clearly, neither do you.

However, if you want to forget your own butthurt feelings for one second and remember Adam, that amazing and wonderful man who would NEVER in a million years EVER treat you or someone you love in the way you have treated me, then I urge you to pick up the damn phone, call him, apologize, and come to our fucking wedding. Because you and your rude ass bullshit have not really hurt my feelings at all. I have said, "Bye Felicia," and gone back to my amazing life. But Adam, you have hurt him. You've taken from him a family that he loves and a support system he believed in. Is that who you really want to be? Are you so incapable of being polite for just a few hours that you would willingly abandon him in this time of his life that is so important to him?

I really hope that's not who y'all want to be.


  1. Wow, girl. Not only the content of the comment, but the fact that it was left anonymously. No one really has any right to question his choice of mate, but to do it in that way is just awful.

    Some people just want to fuel the fire I guess. I think it's wonderful of you that you're still willing to have these people at such an important event. I know you and know you have afforded them every courtesy, and from what I've read here and talked to you about, it all could have been avoided if those with issues could have just spoken with Adam.

    This whole situation sucks.

    1. I agree with all your points. But it's time to move on and let it go. I wrote it out and I feel good about having worked through it. Adam and I talked it out. And you know, his number isn't a secret. So time to let it go.