Monday, May 8, 2017

FINALLY!!!!

SOOOOOO...last week was the culmination of a LOT of things. There have been three pretty major situations in my life that have needed to reach resolution and I think they were what has been holding me back from getting all the blog posts in my head actually written out. I have far less going on this week and I hope to be able to sit down and write stuff out!

Adam had been waiting to hear from The Monument (on Put-in-Bay) about summer employment. It seems to have gone nowhere so he is still back up on the island for the summer but at his old job with the hotel (where I also worked for part of last summer). I am staying home and growing a baby. Since I'm due in August it doesn't make a lot of sense to try to go work a summer job where August is full swing season. Also, growing a baby on an island full of drunks is not really ideal. I'm doing craft shows this summer and going to look into picking up some different gigs, just to stay on top of having my own spending money and buying cat food. But mostly, I plan on trying to enjoy this summer and go up to the island as much as possible to visit Adam.

I have been going to the Cleveland Clinic Center for Autism for the last five weeks for an evaluation. The evaluation was as much for autism as for other THINGS. It was very stressful, because a lot of what goes into a diagnosis for an adult is self-evaluation...reporting to the doctors the behaviors in which I engage that other people can't always see. It's been stressful seeing a team of doctors and taking tests and rehashing my entire life (including all my childhood trauma, of which there is a ton...and all my social trauma as an adult). It's just hard to sit around and talk about all the shit that is wrong with me and how I have been coping with it. I finally finished the evaluation and was diagnosed with autism, general anxiety disorder, and depression disorder. None of this was surprising to me and I'm not looking at moving forward with my options and resources available to me following this diagnosis.

I've been struggling to find prenatal care providers who work for me and not against me. I believe I've finally found some who are not that great but not awful either. Due to some potentially concerning evidence, I had to have an ultrasound. Everything is fine. Smashface (the baby) is fine. I can feel Smashface moving around regularly, which is a relief. So I'm looking forward to counting down the days until I push Smashface out of my vagina!

So that is EVERYTHING that has been going on and has been taking up a considerable amount of head space and most of my energy. Now that things are as settled as they will be for a while, I'm hoping to get back into writing more often and just accomplishing shit that has been on my list. It's been a stressful and difficult time, and I'm not saying it's all gonna be pretty hot air balloons from here on out, but I'm feeling much better about a lot of things and feel like I have reached some resolution.

And with that, here follows the to do list...

Photo Jan 20, 2 45 23 PM

This week :

01. Run/walk four times
02. Go swimming
03. Bank those travel blog posts (and others)
04. Put finishing touches on skirts (and maybe sell them???)
05. Begin pants and sew more dolls (figure out a weekly number and GET THEM DONE)
06. Go rock climbing
07. Start website
08. Keep up with planner
09. Clean up all your disorganized messes
10. Get on that Tarot life!
11. Edit those photo shoots
12. Look for a few more gigs!

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