Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Revolving Door

A note before we begin : I live in Ohio, so this takes place in Ohio. I am aware of other states and other laws, but my experiences are here. I am not a doctor, so I will assume that if I write anything medical that resonates with you, you will do research on your own. I'm very comfortable with the decisions I have made because I am a very thorough researcher. However, my decisions are FOR ME and should not be taken as an edict for you. Look up your own shit, is what I'm saying, I'm just writing out my experiences!

So, after my second fight with the OB in Orrville, I tried to get into another midwife practice in Orrville so I could deliver in Orrville. When I had sent my records to this practice, the previous practice refused to give me copies of my records. They told me the new practice would do that. So I drove over there to confirm this information. But more than two weeks later, I hadn't heard anything, so I called the new midwife practice.

HOLY SHIT! They acted FUCKING CONFUSED that I had sent my records over. Even though I CALLED them and VISITED THEM IN PERSON, they received my records and just sat on them, as if people randomly send their records over all the time. On top of that, when I requested a copy, they told me they couldn't. They said that because the records weren't from their office, they were NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO RELEASE MY OWN RECORDS TO ME. So I hung up on them and never went there. I mean, because honestly, if you can't even perform basic office duties, how the fuck can you perform medical duties? I just cannot.

So then I called a well-known midwife practice in Akron, Paragon. I got in, and it was kind of shitty. In my first visit, the midwife basically asked me why I was even bothering with all of this medical crap and why wasn't I just doing a home birth.

Like, really lady? You're seriously trying to kick me out of your office and send me to the not-really-legal-but-also-not-explicitly-illegal world of lay midwives and home births? I mean, I considered a home birth, but there are some potential complications that, while RARE, aren't even always fixable in a hospital. If it's possible for me to encounter a medical situation that a hospital would have trouble fixing, then I don't want to put myself in the position of encountering that without immediate access to the best care. But, how dare someone basically ask me why the fuck I'm in their office and suggest that I just go without professional help?

By this point, I could not even fucking care about how rude this bitch was. I had already gone back to the Orrville "birthing center" and asked if I could get my prenatal care somewhere else but show up in Orrville to deliver. While it's frowned upon, it's not illegal, and they would have to care for me, so I knew that delivering in Orrville was still an option. My entire plan from here on out was to refuse treatment I didn't want without trying to get anyone to give a shit about me and fucking lie about where I'd want to deliver.

I had two appointments with this midwife and she FINALLY started to listen to me on my second appointment. As we were going round and round YET AGAIN about why I wasn't at risk for any STDs, she actually LISTENED to my entire history and said, "Huh, yeah, you're really not at risk." I felt like I was getting somewhere even though she was basically incompetent.

She measured my uterus at my first visit and did it wrong. Because of her measurements, I had to go for the fetal anatomy scan (what most people call a "routine ultrasound"). I had to see an OB to read it, because she can't read ultrasounds. Everything was fine, as I knew it was, and all the scare about my measuring big was just that, another fucking scare tactic. As well as not being able to measure a uterus properly and not being able to read an ultrasound, she also doesn't deliver. I mean, what her purpose was, I can't really run a doppler over my abdomen for the heartbeat? Fuck, I can do that myself. To lecture me about my personal choices and bully me into doing finger sticks because of gestational diabetes? I guess that's what she does. Nevertheless, I was getting care from someone I didn't totally hate, so I was going to continue to go to her.

Until I showed up for my appointment and found out it was canceled because my midwife had to go on 6-12 months of medical leave. I came back later that day to a SUPER SHITTY OB who was actually due on the date that she saw me and ultra pissed about it and just generally weird and sure as shit not interested in listening to me. After I survived her stupid appointment (although, she did give me information about another hospital that is still open and smaller than Akron, so that was useful), I transferred to YET ANOTHER midwife.

HOWEVER, the new midwife doesn't deliver at the new hospital option. If I want to deliver not in Akron, I have to transfer YET AGAIN. Which I have done.

I now have an appointment with a male OB (who is a DO, so that's good) at ANOTHER practice. And I literally could not care less. I haven't established trust with any care giver throughout this entire pregnancy and I'm so close to delivering that it doesn't matter at this point. Smashface has over 90% chance of surviving just like any full-term baby if I deliver right now. I've gotten the one vaccination they recommend. I've passed the gestational diabetes point. I'm totally comfortable just telling doctors what I'm not doing and not giving them any explanation... though they are happy to give me more threats, which is exactly what my last midwife did.

She told me I had to take the Group B Strep test because "it can come on REALLY FAST". WHAT CAN? A FUCKING FEVER? Yeah, I'll go ahead and pass on an inaccurate test that doesn't guarantee anything will affect Smashface but does increase the chance that I'll have to be on fucking IV antibiotics throughout my entire delivery. No thank, asshole, sell your bridge to someone else.

I literally don't give a shit about this doctor or anything he wants to tell me. What I know is that Smashface moves every day and will likely survive delivery from this point on, unless there is something unpreventable and unforeseeable and totally uncontrollable happening. I also know that I'm not actually guaranteed the doctor I'm seeing to deliver me, so what the fuck does it matter anyway?

Maternity care is a fucking joke in the US, y'all. A LITERAL JOKE. Anyone who puts any trust in any part of the medical field throughout their pregnancy is a DAMN FOOL. Everyone is feeding you lies and propaganda basically ALL THE TIME. Insurance and the fear of being sued drives literally every medical suggestion, which were all created by men who aren't even capable of having babies anyway. It is fucking sexist, ignorant bullshit with zero evidence to support it, and the people trying to tell you what to do haven't read the latest studies anyway. They are ignorant fucks who do what they're told, driven by hospital conglomerates trying to make as much money as quickly as possible. And what's worse is EVERY WOMAN BUYS INTO THIS BULLSHIT.

If I hear one more woman go on about how great her doctor was or all the tests she submitted to because of the fear her doctors put into her, I'll probably just laugh in her fucking face, honestly. Women perpetuate the problem by not being educated and not asking questions and submitting to whatever they're told to do.

So yeah, I'm pretty fucking jaded by this point, and I don't even know if I'm gonna end up seeing this doctor until I deliver. But whatever happens, I'll definitely write about it here.

I did hire a doula. We are paying out of pocket for her. I told her my ENTIRE story and she doesn't think I'm insane, didn't straight up tell me that I'm lying to her, and doesn't seem to care if I wanna go all guerrilla delivery and just show up somewhere with my medical records and have them take me in. We have a meeting next week, and I'm trying to get excited about it...which is easy to do when I think about how cool she was and when I don't think about the shit show that has been my prenatal care.


  1. Rachel (pybonesque from IG) here. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story and I commend you for being so strong in the face of all this misogynist bullshit!

    1. You're welcome! I had thought that I wouldn't write about my pregnancy on my blog, because I feel like it's nobody's business. But I think this is much bigger than myself and is less invasive (in the way I feared writing about my pregnancy would be) and much more universal. I have learned that if I've experienced something, so has someone else, and my words and my actions can often help someone else feel more confident in standing up for herself (or himself, as the case may be). So, I don't mind sharing my story, and I also think it's important. And girl, YES! Must stay strong in the face of misogyny!!!