Sunday, January 28, 2018

Baby Boy VII

Baby Boy,

FIVE MONTHS!!!!

Life is just so fucking great with you in it. You make me laugh on the daily. I feel very much over all the noise of earlier in your life, constantly worried about how to do things. You're happy and healthy and such a cute little chunk, and I can just tell that everything is awesome and I'm not worried at all. I talk about how delightful you are, and people assume it's just because I'm your mom, but no dude, YOU ARE SO DELIGHTFUL. I love you so much and have such a great time with you and all the snugglez and watching you do things!

Yesterday, you wanted a stuffed animal that was out of your reach, so you scooted your body to it. It took you a minute, but you were determined to get yourself there. It's so great to watch your mind and your body develop.

Things you are doing :
LAUGHING...so much! And squealing
Cooing and gurgling
Responding to us
Lots of big smiles
You have teeth!
Rolling all over the place
Balancing when put in the "tripod" sitting position
Scooting around
Standing with assistance
Reaching for your bottle and pulling it to you
Reaching out for the cats (and sometimes grabbing them)
Sleeping through the night
Sometimes taking a while to actually fall asleep
VERY distracted when trying to eat
Noticing the tv and my phone
Checking yourself out in a mirror

Babe, you are such a fun little person and I love having you around.

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Hey Mama,

Oh man, life!

There are lots of things that are not how you want them to be and it's hard to see when they will be how you want them to be. It makes life constantly annoying...just like low key annoying underlying everything. It's hard to be patient and to keep your cool and to keep the faith.

The Babe is AMAZING. He is adorable and smart and curious and generally delightful. Taking care of him is a breeze...although, you let Adam do the bulk of it for now because he won't always have this much time at home with Babe. You still check on him in his sleep, but there are way fewer fears right now.

All that help you were seeking from the medical profession was a huge bust. There's one guy who seemed like he might work, but he doesn't take your insurance. So you're flying solo now. Everything is sort of fine...sort of like walking on ice that is only just thick enough to walk on. You can kind of forget that you're on it and just try not to look down and just keep going. Just keep going.

The social contract of motherhood though? That shit continues to suck. Like why the hell do people think they are entitled to my adorable child when they put zero effort into being a friend to me? But also, why do you want to go be around them? To bask in the glow of compliments or because you feel like you have to? I don't even know, and you don't even know, and neither one of us has a solution...but I kinda think your "fuck everyone" resolution is probably the solution. Seriously. Why waste time on people who don't waste time on you? Fucking math; that shit ain't equal.

Other than the constant annoyingness of how other people respond to your being a mother (telling me about bibs when I didn't even ask for any), life is pretty good. You might not have any professional support, but you're resuming the routine of every day life, which has to be a good sign, right?

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