Friday, March 9, 2018

Hey Mama

Hey Mama,

I feel like I have to tell you some things because I think you know them to be true but you haven't fully realized that truth yet. I just want to set you straight and let you know what's up...

You are not the fault of someone else's poor choices.

You are not the fault of the medical community. It is not your fault that you were treated like a page in a book instead of a person. It is not your fault that doctors were more willing to fight with you than to fight for you. It is not your fault that doctors disrespected you, ignored you, lied to you. It is not your fault that you were pregnant and had a child in a time when the medical community is practicing anachronistic medicine.

It is not your fault.

It is not your fault you were ignored for over 30 hours. It is not your fault that obstetricians allow nurses to run the show and that those nurses are overworked. It is not your fault that you were treated like a chore instead of a patient, instead of a person. It is not your fault that obstetricians rely on cutting women open instead of respecting the natural birth process. It is not your fault that obstetricians don't have the same skills as midwives and that the medical community doesn't view this as a problem.

You cannot possibly know every single birth outcome and it is not your fault that you didn't anticipate what would happen.

It is not your fault that your water broke early. It is not your fault that your nimble thumbs were otherwise indisposed during your labor and that you didn't google all of your symptoms. It is not your fault that you found out too late about Smashface's malpositioning. It is not your fault that you chose to have an epidural to help you cope with the pain and anxiety of a traumatic labor. It is not your fault that doctors would prefer to practice medicine to attempt to prevent unlikely outcomes in favor of causing the most dangerous outcome. It is not your fault that cesarean sections are all too commonplace in America.

Your body did not betray you.

Because your body was ignored, neglected, mistreated, and abused does not mean that it is incapable. Because your body was treated like a statistic instead of an individual, does not mean it is deficient. Because your body was treated like a problem, does not mean it was a problem. In fact, the way in which your body healed, the life that it carried and grew, the ease with which it handled pregnancy and surgery are all testaments to what a great body it is.

Because someone else did not respect your body, your mind, your desires, your abilities...does not mean that you are damaged goods.

You deserved a medical community who treated you like the individual you are and not like an insurance claim to be avoided. You deserved doctors who listened to you and answered your questions. You deserved medical professionals who treated you like an autonomous human being, not second to the fetus inside you, not a burden of potential complications.

You deserved much more than you received, and it is not your fault that your pregnancy and labor and delivery were not treated with respect.

It is ok to understand that you are not less than because of poor policies and poor practices. It is ok to let it go.

-With love from yourself

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